​World Mental Health Day is here and more important than ever.  We need more chances to talk freely together about our mental health because it's the foundation of not only a healthy, happy individual life, but also the health of our families, communities, and societies.  And mental health is unfortunately something that is not guaranteed to us...  so many of us suffer silently with a wide variety of mental health issues.  Not everyone does, but it's hardly unusual.  In fact it's actually quite normal to be carrying around underlying mental issues that eventually impact our physical health, lower our quality of life, and damage our relationships.

Even though I have always been pretty high-functioning, I have suffered from anxiety since my earliest childhood memories and depression since mid-elementary school...  I don't talk about it a lot (except in my bad poetry...), but I feel no shame in it.  And neither should you.  Like everyone else, I power through my daily life as best I can, and try to find ways of dealing with it.  And thankfully, there ARE ways of dealing with it.  a wide variety of ways to help our wide variety of issues and personalities...

If you are currently in the self-medicating stage (as I was with alcohol for many years), this era of social distancing is a great chance to change tactics and start some kind of formal therapy.  There are many different options such as medication-based psychiatry, talk-therapy based psychology, group-based counselling, and alternatives like hypnotherapy, etc.  For me it ended up being hypnotherapy, but really, just pick one that resonates with your general world-view / personality-type and go for it.  Now.  Unfortunately, I don't really know anyone who saw life-changing improvements without taking this step, and some of them tried a few different types before seeing those results, but it does seem to create a necessary turning point.

And if you are currently in this formal therapy stage, please do realize that even though it is a necessary step, it probably isn't going to be sufficient or enough to bring you long-term stability.  You've got to get some new habits to expand and extend whatever positive results you have gained.  And again, this current era of social distancing is actually a prime opportunity to do so.  For me it has been a daily 15-minute reiki meditation, making sure I get enough sleep, and trying to schedule some regular light exercise.  When I keep these simple habits up fairly regularly (not religiously), I'm pretty golden.  When I let them slip for weeks at a time, my mind starts slipping back too.  For you this might be medication, a support group, some spiritual practice, a significant hobby, or just a focus on healthy exercise/diet/sleep routines.  Again, just find something that resonates with you and actually makes you feel good sustainably and commit yourself to it.

Commit yourself to you.  and accept your commitment to you.  You totally deserve it.

It's the holidays--  Yay!  Many of us will be visiting with family and friends we haven't seen in a while.  This time of reconnections is a wonderful thing, and after we've shared a nice feast of food and drink, things usually go pretty smoothly.  But those opening lines of conversation leading up to that...  Well, they can actually be quite stressful for some of us.

For a surprising number of people, the "small talk" that helps get conversations going between strangers, occasional acquaintances, and distant relatives can be unbearably awkward and dissatisfying.

Some people offer strategies for overcoming this such as asking lots of questions about the other person and just listening to them carefully.  This is not bad advice.  But if you implement these strategies the wrong way, things could get even more awkward as you subject your unsuspecting uncle to an accidental interrogation...

I used to hate small talk too (even as a child), but now that I'm here living in Japan I find that small-talk is everything...  and I have come to realize that it's just the process of building the temporary emotional connection between people in order to have a better talk about something more important, or even just to have a more connected experience of something that will not be primarily verbal (eating a meal, playing a game, or a watching a movie).

So whatever side of the awkwardness you are on, don't get too wrapped up in the content of it (how unimportant or uninteresting it might be) and just focus on the safe, caring connection that is being built by the seemingly trivial surface speech.

As a Gemini-Cancer cusper, I am both blessed with the gift of gab and yet deeply concerned with serious authenticity.  So I am very aware of the struggle between wanting to communicate but being less interested in discussing the weather, the latest sports scores, or the tea we are having...  and I don't want to fake it because that makes me feel unsatisfied, dishonest, and guilty.

But I also came to understand that small-talk isn't really primarily a content-based form of communication.  It's really much more like animal calls, purrs, and tail-wagging.  With this realization, we can be more committed to the authenticity of the underlying emotional experience than to the details of the surface statements...  Commit to the connection rather than the meaning of the words.

I'm not suggesting to lie about stuff, but just let the surface flow lightly while you engage authentically at the deeper level of the emotional connection.

This change of mindset really freed me to heartfully meet anyone engaging me and connect with them where they were at, without feeling like I might be faking something...

...after that, the conversations themselves simply fell right into place without any effort at all--

I hope this helps you smooth out your enjoyment of the holidays and joyfully reconnect with your family and far-flung friends!  Happy Holidays!